Not My Queen/Bee

When I first heard rumblings of a new sex toy, the Queen Bee, being released by Hot Octopuss, the company that brought us a fairly innovative luxury vibrating penis stroker, I was pretty excited. This new toy was aimed at clits and promised to bring their award winning oscillations to the table. Unfortunately, you need to do more than aim something in the general direction of a clit to get a promising reaction.

I tried. I really did. There were 2 times I was able to get myself off with it over the course of a month but neither of those orgasms were revelatory in any way. They were the type of orgasms that I can force out once I’ve ceased to be interested anymore and I just need it to be over with; the type of orgasms that don’t give me any sense of relief because I’ve had to put so much effort into focusing on DOING THE THING that I never got to let the wave rush over me. I’m tired from doing too much work.

Oscillation Clit Vibe
Queen Bee by Hot Octopuss

The Queen Bee is 9.25″ in length and resembles a hairbrush in shape and size. One side of the head is textured with small diamond- shaped divots  (advertised as the warm-up massage side) and the other side of the head is smooth in texture and has a 2.5″x1.5″ oval cut out in the center. The Pulse Plate, as the cut-out is called, is the part that moves up and down with the fast oscillations.

Many wand vibrators have larger heads and this is good for people who like a lot of surface area covered while using the vibrator. Other people prefer a more direct stimulation on their clit, whether it be thru the clitoral hood or on the clit itself. I enjoy both types of external stimulation and often use both a large wand and a small vibe during sex with myself and others. The Queen Bee’s Pulse Plate satisfies neither for me. Is too small to cover a larger area of a vulva for indirect stimulation, but it is also too big and flat to easily pinpoint it on my clit, and too weak at the center of the Pulse Plate to really do any good anyway. Both times I forced myself to come with the toy I was precariously wedging the very edge of the Pulse Plate where the oscillations are strongest against the side of my clit, careful not to clamp my thighs together to hold it in place because too much pressure against the Pulse Plate makes it stop.

Massage side of the Queen Bee
The back side of the Queen Bee with the control panel on the handle

Which is too bad, because clamping my thighs around it is the only thing that muffles the very loud WHIRRRING sound that the Queen Bee makes. It was even too loud for me to hear my porn. When I am watching porn featuring sublime dirty-talkers I want to hear every. last. filthy. word until I am lost in orgasm. I am not one that usually cares about the noise level of toys, but this was distracting. To add insult to injury, the head of the Queen Bee is so large that I can not easily insert a dildo without some pretty uncomfortable adjustments in my hips and wrists. No Bueno.

So far my journey with the Queen Bee was not looking promising. Because I’m a huge fucking nerd and enjoy reading manuals in the hopes of finding hidden uses that I had not yet come to on my own, I busted open the booklet that came with my toy to see what I’d missed. Unfortunately, I only found more disappointment: The Queen Bee is made from TPE, meaning it is semi-porous and it can not be disinfected as silicone can. Sex toy made from TPE  can only be used with water-based lube because silicone lube or oil lube will speed up disintegration of the material. This severely knocks the Queen Bee out of Luxury Toy status, at least in my book.

During my testing time with the Queen Bee I was reminded of another sex toy of the not-so-distant past that boasted “sonic power” and a unique “pulsation” that guaranteed maximum stimulation for clits in ways that would REVOLUTIONIZE masturbation, but in actuality made jerking off a frustrating and ineffectual experience. This toy was affectionately referred to around the sex shop where I worked as the Shit Orb. OK, you know when you are dating someone new and they seem nice enough, if kinda boring, but there is something that just kinda seems off? And then when you are finally making out you realize that the way they kiss is reminiscent of that total fucking douchebag that you went out with a handful of times last year? And you know that they are different people and probably don’t even know each other, but now you think about the douchebag every time the new person slips their tongue in your mouth in a way that is vaguely unsettling? Yeah. It was kind of like that for me and the Queen Bee. This relationship was just not going to work.

Despite my critical nature, I always try to find a silver lining. For the Queen Bee this would be that it is rechargeable and waterproof, so I would imagine that this toy might work well for someone who preferred very light, low pitch vibrations while jerking off in the bathtub. I am not that person. I am, however, a person who likes to hit people (consensually) and in a pinch last week I used the Queen Bee on my sweetie’s thigh- 2 good wallups- and it made a very fun sensitive spot that I got to poke at for the rest of our date. The thing is, the Queen Bee will end up in the large tupperware storage bin where my other uninspiring sex toys live, so it won’t even get to live out it’s life as a secret impact toy; I’d rather just go to the bathroom and get the hairbrush.


Thanks to Hot Octopuss for giving me the chance to try out the Queen Bee in exchange for a fair and unbiased review of their toy.



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