I recently attended my metamour’s* birthday party, which was a sex party thrown and hosted by our mutual person. Leading up to the event I had many thoughts surrounding my invitation to the party: Do I want to go? Does my metamour want me there? Does my sweetie want me there? How comfortable are we all going to be in this situation? Will I know other people in attendance? Is it going to be weird if I see my sweetie and her partner having sex? Do I trust everyone to act respectfully?
I am a big believer that there is something out there for everyone. Sometimes it just takes a while to find it; but you better believe that it is out there AND there is an ethical way to obtain it. From vanilla sweetness to the raunchiest kink there are porn actors who like what they perform and are compensated fairly for their work. Of course there are some companies that try to scam their actors and push them to do more for less money, but that, unfortunately, is pretty commonplace in capitalism regardless of the field of labor. Sex Work is Work and we should all be fighting for better labor practices across the board.
But I digress. Porn is an exhibitionist and sexually explicit form of art. Some porn can be totally hot as well as educational, not necessarily in the “how to do this” type model (of which there IS some excellent porn out there of this kind) but in the sense that some porn crosses genres in an easy and elegant fashion that makes the introduction to new ways of sexy more accessible. CrashPad’s Episode 253: Sinful Sweetheart and Tramp is one of these gems.
You finally picked up that vibrator you’ve been eyeing and those anal beads you’ve been curious about. You had a wild and ruckus night and this morning, in the cold light of day, you look over and see the lube and cum-encrusted toys on your bed stand and wonder “What is the best way to clean my sex toys?” Like most things, there is not just one answer to that question. In this post I have broken down cleaning instructions by material of the toy and if there is a motor or not. This post will be part of a larger series all about the maintenance of sex toys and BDSM gear. Your sex toys are an investment and your health & well being are connected to the care of your toys. A well made toy should last you for years– maybe even decades if the material is top-notch and you know how to properly care for it.
When I first heard rumblings of a new sex toy, the Queen Bee, being released by Hot Octopuss, the company that brought us a fairly innovative luxury vibrating penis stroker, I was pretty excited. This new toy was aimed at clits and promised to bring their award winning oscillations to the table. Unfortunately, you need to do more than aim something in the general direction of a clit to get a promising reaction.
I have a thing for wand vibrators. External stimulation is super important for me and is pretty much the only thing that has been consistent about my sex life from day one. Wand vibrators are great because they have a head with a fair amount of surface area which is helpful in warming up the labia and clit legs before I move directly to my clit head and with longer handles than most vibrators, I don’t have to wrench my wrist around to apply pressure, which is especially key if my joints have been acting up and I’m having a bad pain day in my wrists. When I pulled my new Doxy Number 3 out of the bag I knew that this was now the prettiest wand I owned– but would it hold it’s own in my arsenal?
I had heard stories of the mythical Pure Wand and how it was a magical toy that would bring any G-spot out of their shell. Sounded good, but holding that heavy crescent of stainless steel was intimidating! And at the time I wasn’t loving a huge amount of penetration and I worried I wouldn’t be able to insert the larger head of the Pure Wand. A few inches over in the velvet display box there lay the Fun Wand, an S-shaped wand with a medium bead at one end and 3 smaller beads on the other. Still stainless steel and with a bit of heft to it for it’s size, it seemed more inviting overall. Continue reading “Wands Just Want to Have Fun”
Content Warning: Depression, Toxic Relationships, Chronic Pain
I have always been a sexual person, but I have not always had regular sex, even with myself. Continue reading “Losing Myself, Losing My Libido”
In my early 20s I was something of a vagabond. I traveled for the experience itself, feeling good and strong as a young woman out on my own. A travel rule I had was to only pack what I could carry myself. I made packing lists in my journal, revising them on each trip. There is an art to knowing exactly how many pairs of underwear, tights, and knee socks one will need for a trip of any particular length. I decided I needed to be self-sufficient and eco-conscious as much as possible so that I would be prepared for almost any situation that might come up. Continue reading “Have Vibe, Will Travel”
The Amor Dildo by Fun Factory was the first dildo I ever bought for myself. Not the first toy I ever bought or used, but the first one for myself. In roughly 10 years of owning and using sex toys they had always been associated with a sex partner, either because the partner bought them for me or we used them together or the toy was somehow reminiscent of the size and shape of their junk so I would always think of that particular person when using the toy. This practice was not a sustainable way to build a collection because I would either loose toys in breakups or purge them after all was said and done. [Note: unceremoniously dumping a vibrator that reminds you of an ex’s penis in the garbage can be a great way to move on.]
Content Warning: Sacrilegious material and nun puns
I am sure there has to be some correlation between being raised Catholic and ending up a witchy kinky queer freak. I mean, a love for pageantry, mysticism, and a living arrangement without men? Yes please! Obviously I found a different path than a rural convent, but I cannot discount the spiritual and cultural influences in my life– and perhaps it would be funny even try to escape them. I mean, I did end up living in maybe the most Catholic city in the United States.